A good friend of mine who has thousands of friends on social networking websites very kindly offered me advice on how not to alienate people and gain more friends. Don't talk about anything controversial! My previous talk about faith on this blog is sure to be viewed as highly controversial. He's also opposed to any talk about naturism. The moment you say you are a naturist, you have created a controversy. Then what can you talk about? Only pleasant things like 'Good morning, my friends!' I swear he told me that!!! People must not know your thoughts, your likes and dislikes, your politics, religious view etc because by letting them know these things, you are creating a controversy.
I totally disagree with him. I hate insipidity and it's hard for me to spend my entire life saying 'Good morning, friends' and nothing else. Of course I want to tell people about my views, that I am a naturist and why I am one, etc etc. What is the point of having a friend whose views are always concealed? Such a person is not a friend. My friend's thousands of 'friends' are not really his friends - he doesn't know a thing about them and they don't know a thing about him. All they see are the photos of flowers he posts every morning stolen from the internet.
The problem with people like my friend is they underestimate the human intellect. Human beings are not so intolerant that they will have nothing to do with people who hold a different view from them. Of course there are some people who are like that but surely nobody wants them to be friends? Most people find it a pleasure to learn more about what other people believe in or think. Most of us don't want to confine ourselves only to our little coterie of like-minded friends. If someone holds a view which you think is wrong, you can always talk about it and give your own views. Such an exchange is very rewarding. But most people shy away from it.
Of course my views on government, religion, gun-ownership, socialism etc can't be the same as yours unless I am your clone. It is less likely for me to hold the same view as you if my country, culture and personal experiences are all different from yours.
A Facebook friend who speaks of himself as the bastion of Western liberalism once posted on his Facebook an invitation for all 'Trump supporters' to un-friend him. I have since avoided him like the plague. I'm wary of people who exhibit such intolerance and yet are totally unaware that they are intolerant. He really believes he is the most tolerant person on the planet. He may decide tomorrow to invite all naturists to un-friend him. That's how intolerant people behave. They love to speak of diversity but they abhor it.
Here's a pic I just took this morning as I drank Trung Viet coffee. You must try it if you visit Vietnam. I'm not a coffee drinker but even I love it. If my friend sees this, he will probably tell me to put on clothes and to remove the remark about Trung Viet coffee because both nudity and an endorsement of a particular brand of coffee create controversy which, as no doubt Dale Carnegie will tell you, is inimical to winning friends and influencing people.
Controversial talking, for me, is talking about people's personal lives not brought into open. Expressing your opinion or bringing up topics like religion or politics or even the nudist lifestyle you chose, is not something that shy away people and not make friends with you. Rather, it is the essence of initiating a relationship with someone that would eventually ripen into full pledge friendship.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's hard to be friends with someone who does not talk about his likes and dislikes. What can the conversation be about? The weather? But a lot also depends on the person's nature. Some people tend to be very private. My wife is like that. She doesn't allow me to post her pics online. She has to look at each pic first. A very private person probably takes longer before he or she opens up to people. But that's ok. That's just the person's nature. That's different from keeping things like one's views totally secret.
DeleteI agree with you.
I'm a monologist. I am no stranger to the controversies that others create when they listen to my podcast or read my posts on social media. Some people don't seem to understand the concept of a monologue. I like to say, on my podcast, "I'm a monologist, that's where I talk... and you don't." Really pisses them off! A controversy there, I suppose. LOL.
ReplyDeleteMy blog operates differently. While it is clearly my personal diary and I will talk about many things that are of interest to me, other people are more than welcome to make their comments. I don't mind if people have a different opinion. I don't expect them to agree with my views. Disagreement is to be expected but hate and separatism are what one would expect of a bigot and an extremist. In today's world, many people are angry at diversity. They are usually the ones who talk a lot about celebrating diversity and how much they believe in free speech. But they go ballistic over a mere difference in opinion. In some instances I have observed, the proponents of free speech are the most intolerant of different views.
Deletei read your blog because of your views... i find your views authentic and inspiring and, you are always well spoken on your various topics. the number of followers one has is highly over rated, it has nothing to do with the quality of the content.
ReplyDeleteIt's very kind of you to say that. I like to read the writings of people with starkly different views too. But many people I know are very careful when they talk to people on the other side of the globe. They are careful not to mention their own cultural festivals, for example and when they talk to Americans, they conceal their views on issues that they know some Americans see red over. There are many fundamental things that people in the West differ from those in the East. It's easier for us in the East to be tolerant of the views of people in the West because many of us understand the English language and we watch American movies and read English novels and English-language newspapers. But it may not work the other way round because very few people in the West can read Chinese or Hindi or Indonesian newspapers.
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